Nov9-2026 Your Due Date with Carvana

My cheeks feel like when youve been outside for too long on a bitter winter day. The way they burn hot. The tops of my ears feel the same, I know they are beet red. The build up of my body letting the sadness rise to the surface. I have cried on and off all day.

I wanted to spend the whole day grieving you-in whatever way that was.

But the majority of your due date was spent dealing with a car company that (in lack of better words) is a scam.

I have spent the last 3 weeks trying to contact/deal with carvana and today was not a day that I wanted to spend time on them. The guy I talked to on this day was named Brandon and he was nice, they have all been "nice". He agreed with what I was telling him but he kept saying that he didn't understand why the car was not driven for the past 4-5 months. Finally I asked him if he wanted to know the real reason and he said yes. So i told him.

I told him that today was the due date of a baby I never got to take home and that for the last 4-5 months I have been grieving the loss of said baby. That every day I had to crawl my way out of bed to take care of the children that I have here earthside. I could barely get out of bed let alone out of the house.

So yeah the last 5 months I didn't drive my car.

I also told him how I was currently sitting in the parking lot at walmart about to go in and buy a cake and light a candle and cry in my car- which i would have liked to do without having to deal with all of the carvana nonsense.

But thank you random carvana employee for making me say the hard parts out loud.

It was oddly theraputic in claiming/naming my strength during one of the hardest parts of my life but i did that. I got out of bed every day even on the days i didn't want to. I didn't succumb to the grief. I let it wash over me whenever those feelings arrive, completely drenched in the sadness but eventually coming back to the surface, back to myself.

I am proud of the version of me that has grown over the years. who has taken so many punches and got back up again. I just feel like maybe a few less punches wouldn't hurt.

honestly I have been dreading this day. The due date of a baby I never got to bring home.

My heart will forever ache in their absence. I already see them from a different realm-little signs along the way-a reminder of who they were to me. I know they will always be with me and I will search for them in everything for all of the days in my existence.

Happy would have been due date little M