Due dates

Every day inches closer to when you were supposed to make your arrival earthside.

November 9th was your due date.

Being half way through my pregnancy with you i only had 20 weeks to go- the days passed quicker than i expected.

Not that that made it any easier.

A lifetime of possibilities-gone.

My almost 5 year old will make comments every once and awhile about getting another baby so that Margaret can be a big sister. I think thats sweet- not how that works but sweet nonetheless.

The first few months were very hard. The appearance that I was very much pregnant lingered and felt like it was haunting me. A sick joke it felt like. To appear pregnant with nothing but sadness inside of me. Just a hollow shell of a human.

With time the sting wore off but the wound is still very much there.

I will never forget seeing you on the ultrasound. My sweet sleeping baby. The aching in my heart that sent pain throughout every cell in my body.

Your due date approaches and I think of how you would have fit in our little family.

It is an unfair part of life that I will never understand.

You will forever be a part of me. <3