The Crows

TW:Talks about miscarriage

October 29, 2026

The crows are coming back around. I used to feed them at the house we rented out before this house.

We lived there for a year and have only been out of that house for 4.5 months now.

from June 2025-June 2026

Then moved into this house June 2026

but back to the story

There were so many animals at the blue house (thats what i am going to call the house we lived in last).

By winter time there were about 5 rabbits that would come to the secret garden area on the side of that house. I would throw cracked corn out of the bathroom window that opened up to that area. Some of the rabbits would even come out from hiding when they heard me open the window.

That house had a lot of issues but that animals always brought me so much joy.

In the spring time we got a pair of ducks that would come into our front yard. That twosome became a threesome when a lady duck was hit by a car and her partner latched onto this duck couple. So almost every day the ducks would come into our yard. I put water in a sled and they would drink and swim in it. My 4 yr old named them Suzie and Mr. Wigglebottom. The third duck sadly was never named but he was welcome to enjoy our yard but I don't think the other two ducks enjoyed his company as much. He would go after Suzie and Mr Wigglebottom didn't quite like that.

This past May, my sister had come to visit and when we were upstairs she mentioned the crows that were flying outside.

When I looked out the window I saw the crows- they were pecking at something on the ground. And then I saw the horrifying truth to what the situation was. I watched as they lifted a rabbit into the air. It was still alive so would thrash out of their claws and it kept falling to the ground. I ran downstairs and out the front door andn grabbed a stick and got the crows to back off enough for me to get this poor rabbit onto the sled that we had in the front yard. It was so scared. Both of its hind legs weren't moving and knew it probably wouldn't make it but I couldn't stand the thought of it having to suffer at the beaks of the crows. As much as i love the crows, I also love the rabbits. There was a bush in the front yard that was up against the front porch. I tucked the rabbit as far under as I could and checked on it every so often. It eventually passed and I put little flower petals around it. Felt like it deserved to die in peace.

The bunny/crow incident happened May 19- so 5.5 months ago. Which is right around the time that I experienced my third miscarriage.

Only I didn't know that then. I wouldn't know that for another 4 weeks.

"I am so sorry Jessie, there's no heartbeat."

Had surgery two days later.

And now here I am "outside" of it all.

Not really outside of it, because truthfully i am still f*cking in it.

The due date is creeping up. 11 days from now.

It is hard to think about.

But there's animals at this house too. And they bring me a lot of joy. There was a deer (doe) that I followed through the neighborhood when we were looking to buy this house. That deer has two twins and getting to watch them grow up in the backyard has been pretty magical. I went on a walk up to the playground up the street. I thought I had lost my camera so I woke up before everyone so I could walk up there and look. I didn't find it at the park (my 4 yr old found it in the toy box-go figure) but I did find something else.

The crows were cawing the whole time i was making my way to the playground-it didn't take too long for me to figure out what they were alerting me too. I turned around to head back home only to see a buck a little distance from me. I made my way up the playground eqiupment and just watched it from up high. It was in a backyard eating apples from the tree. It walked right past me and headed towards the path I was about to take. I am thankful for the crows heads up. Felt like they were really looking out for me that day. The crows have even started to come back around the house. Even perching on the tree in the backyard-where i can see them from the kitchen window.

I saw another buck the other day- it walked behind our house while i was in the backyard.

Today and yesterday a hawk has been hunting in the fields in the back.

*side note my sister also saw a hawk yesterday.

It is weird how grief and joy can go hand in hand, showing up in different ways.

I am not sure what it all means but I open to believe that it all means something.