Everyone always says there’s no greater love than that of a mothers. I’ve heard those words spoken by many women throughout my life but never truly knew the magnitude of what they were talking about…Until now
When Shelby was born I felt my mind shift. As I ease into to this new role as “mom” a lot of it has felt effortless. Don’t get me wrong, there is still quite a bit of it that feels foreign and intimidating. I have tried to let go of any expectations when it comes to everything else that doesn’t have to do with taking care of Shelby. I ask for help and I accept help from others. I can feel myself growing as a person. I can see first hand that it really does take a village and I am fortunate to have my village so close to me. My mind is different than before. Holding her in my arms, it felt like I could finally exhale. I could feel the anxiety that went along with being pregnant and giving birth leave my body. The trying everyday to not think about something going wrong. All of that was now gone. We made it to the next chapter, she was here.
When she was born I felt my body start to transform into this safe space for her. I carried her inside of me for 9 months. That was her home, her safe space then. And now my arms, my boobs, my chest, my smell, my cuddles, my kisses, my entire being is her safe space. It has been wild to experience my body go from one form to another. I watched it expand and make room for this tiny human to develop. Feeling all of the kicks and punches from the inside. Feeling life inside of me. It made me feel a closeness I have never felt before.
Becoming a Mother
And then there was labor. Which I am already writing about my labor journey as it deserves its own post.
When I pushed Shelby into this world my soul felt like it transcended higher than ever before. It create a love so deep that I cried every day for the first couple weeks of her existence. I had never seen something so pure and so beautiful.
It was the most raw emotion I have ever felt in my life that came from love and not grief.
Becoming a mother completely changed me at my core. It felt like all of the chapters in my life closed and that version of me, that “book”, was put away on the shelf, filed away for safe keeping. And now it feels like I got out a new pad of paper and my favorite pen and started writing a whole new book from the moment Shelby was born on.
I can feel it, that this, this moment, this version of myself is exactly who I was meant to be.
And that the story of Shelby will forever be my favorite story to write.
I will forever be grateful to the little girl who made me a mother, my sweet Shelby Jean
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