“You became a mother the moment you accepted it in your soul.”-Me
The last few days I have felt funny. Kind of like in a funk. I knew why I just kind of brushed it to the side.
It wasn’t until I was having a conversation with my almost four year old niece.
We were making a Mother’s Day card for her and her siblings momma when
She asked me “where’s your baby”
I told her that my baby was no longer with us but I keep her in my heart. She then takes her little finger and taps it on my necklace. “That’s why you wear this, to remember.”
“That’s right.” I told her as a few tears escaped my eyes.
What she was referring to is a necklace that I received from my dear friend Amanda after my surgery.
(for those of you who don’t know I had an Ectopic pregnancy and had to have emergency surgery and one of my Fallopian tubes removed back in March)
I have worn this necklace pretty much everyday since she sent it to me. I even wore it on my wedding day.
It is this delicate little “forget me not” seed enclosed in resin.
With this necklace came a note that said the following:
“Forget Me Not”
“Words seem so feeble in moments like these.
Life is so precious, and death such a thief.
The depths of your pain I cannot comprehend, but I’ll stand along side you in the darkness, my friend.
Love is a bond that death cannot part.
Gone from your arms, but still still held in your heart.
-John Mark Green X Deeply Seeded”
I remember when I opened the box that had the necklace in it and after reading those words and a note that Amanda wrote to me, I began to weep.
The lines “Love is a bond that death cannot part. Gone from your arms, but still held in your heart” I felt in my soul.
Losing a baby doesn’t take away the excitement I once had that I was going to become a mom. It doesn’t take away from the joy I already had that we were going to start our family. It doesn’t take away any of the love that filled my heart.
I feel like I am still a mother, just without her child.
And it is truly heartbreaking.
To all the mothers out there who are grieving on this mother’s day, I see you, and my heart is with you.
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